The Lost Smile!

“You’ve lost your smile.”

The words from my wife echoed in my ears. She’s my best friend in this world. She’s grounded in the Word and Psychology. And as Proverbs 27″6 tells us, the wouds of a friend can be trusted. And yes it hurt.

But she was right. My next words confirmed it.

:I don’t have a hell of lot to smile about.”

I had lost my smile.

I’d gotten so wrapped up in trying to find employment and playing the “What If” game that it was threatening to overwhelm me.

I was thinking I was too old.

That I had nothing left to offer the world )or worse, they no longer wanted it).

That I was an obsolete piece of hardware not worth the upgrade.

I didn’t have a lot to smile about, and she’d called me on what I was feeling. It was a pack of lies I’d told myself because I’d gotten wrapped up in nothing happening.

Then my pastor just confirmed it by talking about the Apostle Paul in prison and he talks about rejoicing.

And here I am. Feeling like the world is at an end.

And it wasn’t.

I’d simply stopped looking around and looking instead to a bleak future that had occurred only in my mind.

I have a home.

I have food in my fridge and in my belly.

I have coffee I make in my own machine.

I have a wife who loves me in spite of my losing my smile.

I have a puppy dog who thinks I’m the coolest thing in the world.

I have a vehicle with a half tank of gas.

I have prospects.

I’ve come this far.

The worst-case scenario hadn’t happened.

And here I was acting like it had and the world has come to an end.

I’d forgotten who’s in my corner.

So, I started thanking God for what I had and for all I will have.

And then thanks to her insight, I added to it. Knowing this is a spiritual and mind battle I started coming against things like Depression. Against whatever turns mole hills into Everests. I come against defeat. Against the worst-case scenario.

I reminded myself who and what I am.

Now, here’s the sad part of all this.

It’s not a onetime thing.

It’s something I grapple with.

I can’t force the hiring managers to disregard the fact that I am an older worker.

I can’t force them to say “yes” to me.

But I do know who turns things around. I had to remind myself that it might be a different tune, but it’s still the same dance.

And it’s not over yet.

God hasn’t finished with me yet!

So, if we’re talking “Grown” in the past tense, I’d say I’m “Growing” in the present tense.

And I’m finding my smile again.