My Wife, My Life

At the risk of sounding sexist or old fashioned or square or whatever its called these days, I think there’s some truth to the old statement that “The woman makes the man.”

So, let me talk about the relationship that changed my life.

I met my beautiful bride to be shortly after I came back to the states from the Gulf War.

To say I was a mess would be an understatement. Before leaving for Germany, my then wife asked for a divorce. I went through the war and came back with a serious case of anxiety and found myself walking into another war. This war was the kind you need a lawyer to handle for you.

I made an appointment with my attorney and when I walked in, sitting behind the paralegal desk was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. I introduced myself and said I had an appointment. She introduced herself and extended her hand in greeting.

Now, I’d spoken to her on the phone while still in Iraq and when I hung up, there was a small voice in my head that said, “Pay attention here. Something important just happened.”

Now, I stood there, and that voice in my head said, “and here we are.”

I did the suaviest thing I could think of and said, “At last, the face behind the voice.” And I kissed her hand.

Pretty sappy, huh.

Long story short, we began building a relationship. but Julie knew she was dealing with damaged goods and urged me to get into counseling. While everyone else was telling me not to (They’ll brand you crazy and that will be it), she told me to deal with the pain of the past. She said it was okay and to this day, I still deal with the past. Let’s be honest, there’s a lot there.

A couple of years passed, and I asked her to marry me. That’s when she asked me a question that changed my life. “Do you believe in God?”

My answer was, “I believe there’s something that can be called God.” Which is a pretty safe answer. What she was asking was did I know God.

Then she asked if I’d ever read the Bible. “Yes,” I answered. I was one of the few Catholics I knew that had read the Bible cover to cover. She gave me an ancient, dusty Gideon Bible and said, “Ask God to reveal himself to you in it.”

I did. Indeed, I triple dog dared God to show and prove His existence.

And late one night, He did. I was in the book of Job when I stumbled across the most incredible thing I’d ever read. ” He stretcheth out the north over the empty place, and hangeth the earth upon nothing.” Job 26.7. I read it, stopped, backed up and read it again.

Something profound was being said there. Job is the oldest book in the Bible and was handed down word of mouth long before it was committed to parchment. But those ancient words stopped me in my tracks as I recalled one of the old pictures from Apollo 8, and how it came tearing around the rim of the Moon for the astronauts to see our Earth in the cosmic void. It was just there; an image so dazzling it imprints itself on the mind.

When Job was written that incredible image at least 3500 years in the future. Yet, in what amounts to a throwaway line, God bent down to me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, “See, it’s all true. Now what do you think?”

In that moment, I believed.

And perhaps, that’s the greatest gift she ever gave me. In one swoop, she gave me the charts and navigational aids I needed in this life. And she helped fill my sails with wind to continue the journey.

She’s my fellow traveler on this voyage called Life. When I’m down, she encourages me. When I have victories, she cheers me. And when I want to do something utterly impossible like write books and one day make a living doing it; she’s all over the idea.

The biggest lesson I learned is Marriage is having someone who is a witness to your life. Question becomes, will they be a good witness or a bad.

Interestingly, the choice is left up, at least in most cases, to us.