Finding Healing Through Friendship: A True Story

I walked outside our home in Del Norte and into the back yard. We lived in a house built in 1877 and we had a picket fence around the back yard.

Julie had owned the house for a few years and now that we were a couple, it was my home.

I’d went out to the old shed that had a rose bush. I was admiring the antique roses blooming against it when some motion at the house across the street caught my eye.

And old man had come out his back door. He had a newspaper in his hand. He went to a metal chair on the back porch and sat down.

I recognized him in an instant and I laughed. “You’ve got to be kidding,” I said out loud. “Spanky is my neighbor!”

“Spanky” was Coach Tony Valdez, my old High School PE coach. He got his name because he had a Paddle named “The Board of Education.” And Spanky used it, hence the nickname.

The first time I met Coach, was in the 8th grade. Here’s this short, slightly rotund man wearing a ball cap and with a stop watch around his neck. He was telling us what the class was going to be like. I’ll never forgot something he said.

He said, “I understand you’re still young. So, I won’t be working you too hard.”

The next day he has us out there on the field. We’re all lined up in what I’d later come to realize was a military formation. “Fifty push ups!” he yelled.

No one in that class had ever done more than ten!

And this wasn’t fifty push ups on your own. He’d say down and then up and we’d say the number we were on. I didn’t know it, but the wiring that would be necessary for me to make it the Army was being laid in his class.

What I really liked in the class was running. We’d run a couple of miles a day. I was always a bit of a loner as a child. I preferred the company of older adults and books over my peers. In some ways, that was a disadvantage. But not when it came to running.

While everyone else was taking their time and socializing, I was running hard. I’d lap the main body three or four times in our runs. I was doing almost four minute miles and I could keep it up for long periods of time.

I didn’t realize Coach was watching.

One day, he was out in the field with another teacher, Mr. White. Mr. White was the track coach.

A few days later, they were both out there was some other people. I didn’t know who they were.

Years later Coach would tell me who those people were. They were scouts from the Olympics. An offer had been made for me start training to join the team. My folks had turned it down flat.

But then that’s one for me and my therapist to discuss!

Years later, I’d rediscover my love of running. By then I was an old man compared to the kids I served with. Running the Olympics was out of the question. But what I’d picked up without realizing it was the “Push for Excellence.” Without realizing it, it was a lesson I was passing on to the kids.

I’d learned some leadership skill from the man.

I walked across the street, opened the little metal gate. He looked up at me and a smile came across his face. “Richard Muniz,” he said, standing. He offered his hand and I shook it. “Sit down,” he said. “Where you been?”

I was surprised he recognized me, much less recalled my name.

I sat down and gave him the Readers Digest version. “I’m back in the Valley after almost twelve year,” I said.

“Where were you.”

“Army,” I told him like that explained it all.

“Were you in the war?”

And I told him about everything that had happened. We must have spoke for hours.

Coach had always been more a listener than a talker. He let me go on and talk, nodding while I did so.

What I didn’t realize was he was helping me to start heal. By just letting me talk, he helped me to find myself in a world that had changed while I was gone. Somehow, it was nice to see someone from my past who hadn’t.

I also didn’t know it at the time, but coach had one last lesson to teach me. It was a lesson I already knew but had to rediscover. With his help, I found it.

“No matter how hard the race gets, keep running.”

I think he got that from the Apostle Paul who said, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Coach finished the race a few years ago.

One day, I plan to visit his grave. When you visit a grave, it’s tradition to leave something. Most people leave flowers.

I’ll leave a running shoe.