Event Horizon – Talking about Spousal Abuse

My next book, Event Horizon is scheduled for a December 2024 release and it’s going to take a no holds look at the worst possible scenario that can play out in a police officer’s world. We’re talking spousal abuse, and it plays out horribly in this one.

So, I want to start setting that stage for its release and jump into it with both feet. So here we go. Let’s talk about it.

DOMESTICS-

As a police officer, I saw my share of domestic’s violence calls. These ranged from simple shouting matches to taking people to the hospital to helping put them in body bags. I often times left wondering why the person being abused doesn’t just get out of the situation.

The answer is based in psychology, self-worth, and dare I say hope. I’ll build on that as I work through the ways I’ve seen spousal abuse work out.

Spousal abuse is often times, the result of domestic violence. Perhaps the saddest thing about spousal abuse (or partner abuse – I’m old school, so I’ll call it spousal abuse – It still applies) is that it exists at all. It involves two people in a romantic/family relationship, and one subjects the other to physical and/or mental abuse. Often times, domestics have more than a little substance abuse involved.

Now here’s something frightening for you. For everyone we (meaning, the police) know about, there’s a least half a dozen we don’t. By the time we’re called, it’s usually bad. Someone’s hurt (or worse) and someone else is going to jail. Emotions are running high, and any officer reporting to one of these had best be on his or her toes. Most of us know that if you’re going to be injured or killed in the line of duty, there’s a big chance it will happen at a domestic.

That’s why as an officer you should never, ever respond alone. Get help. Separate everyone, maintain control and if possible, talk them down. If medical attention is needed, get it. If someone needs to go someplace else, make sure they get there.

Increasingly, we have officers who are what we call CIT’s (Crisis Intervention Technician). These are often times sworn officers who have received advanced training in just talking to people. The idea is not to use force if you don’t have to. They’re there to offer alternatives, resources, and at the very least, put a band aid on the situation. The idea is the only way to fix the situation is guide the fighter through it.

Of course, if there’s been physical violence, that’s a whole different story. Basically, this happens when things have really gone off the tracks and someone is probably going to hospital and the other person to jail.

And someone, probably both, are going to find they need help. Lots of it.

Now, of all the mental health stigma’s, this is perhaps one of the worst and the last. In our Facebook world where we post only the best, no one wants to admit that their relationship is horrible. The prefer to post the glamor shots and not the of bruises and black eyes.

Perhaps the worst is the marks no one sees, having been inflicted there by words. I know there’s an old adage that goes “sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Anyone who lives with mental abuse would say that statement is from the pit of Hell. Don’t believe me? just ask the teenage girl who’s been told she’s fat and ask her how she sees herself. Ask the spouse who believes they’re worthless. Then take a look at the suicides that have occurred because of words that have been posted or said.

The Bible warns us of the power of words. James 3 says “Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”

What James is saying so poetically is that Words can do much more than break bones or inflict bruises. Words can break the human spirit.

THE SCENARIOS –

After you’ve been involved in enough domestics, you begin to see how they play out. In Event Horizon, we encounter to worst case scenario. But all four potential scenarios thread their way through the three books before it and we get to see them in all their fullness.

SCENARIO ONE – This is the worst possible way for spousal abuse to work itself out. One day, the Abuser (the one doing the abuse) stops beating the Abused (the one abuse is directed towards) because they’ve killed that person. The abuse went too far and at the end of it all, they abused someone they supposedly loved to death. The death can be through strangulation, shooting them, knifing them, you name it.

We come in and bury the deceased spouse and the other spends the rest of their days in jail swearing it wasn’t their fault. Interestingly, this scenario often times plays out AFTER the other partner has taken steps to get away from the abuser. Abuse is often about control, and when the abuser see’s control being lost, they may attempt to force that person to their will.

That’s why the Abused needs to get away from the Abuser. If needed, use the courts to protect yourself (restraining orders, supervised visitation, and so on). And they need to be very much aware what’s going on around them (looking for that person) and not letting their guard down.

In Event Horizon, that’s exactly what happens. The one who was abused let’s her guard down and the abuser kills her. Later, he’s at least honest about it. He admits he killed her because “She was happy.”

There is a sub-Scenario here that is some ways, worse. Here the Abused, sees no way out and kills themselves. The Abuser walks away (I’ve never heard of someone being charged with a homicide because of this – but I can also see cases where if there’s proof, that it might have happened) and will most likely, do it to someone else.

SCENARIO TWO – This, like Scenario One, is rather tragic. Finally, being sick and tired of being abused, the Abuser is killed by the Abused. Often times, this ends in a self-defense plea, and at that point it becomes a crapshoot what happens. If the abuser is killed during the attack and there’s physical evidence to back up the abused persons story, then they may well walk away from it. Even a record of abuse can be used as a defense, But I’ve also seen where it can harm the defense, especially in cases of premeditation.

One rather bizarre thing that can occur is the Abused kills the Abuser, but they kill themselves in the process.

SCENARIO THREE – This is the one that plays out most often. The Abuser keeps abusing the Abused. They stay in the relationship, and they live unhappily ever after. One place we see this is where children are involved or there’s financial resources that neither wants to split. Often times it’s because the Abuser has convinced the other that they’ll never be able to get by without them. So, what was a marriage now becomes a hostage situation.

Often, when the Abused has had enough, the Abuser swears they’ll change, and the Abused goes to their grave waiting for it to happen.

This is perhaps the saddest of them all because now we have children being raised in that situation. Abuse is often times learned, and it’s not uncommon for the children to become abusers or allow themselves to be abused if they grew up thinking that’s life.

OPTION FOUR

Option Four is the best of all possible options. In this, the Abused and the Abuser go their separate ways. Both are alive. Both are free. And hopefully, they’ve both learned something. For the Abused, never ever get into a relationship like that again. For the Abuser, get help and learn how to cut it out.

Sometimes, they stay together and work past the abuse. Even so, the relationship may never be fully healthy.

Therapy helps, but it takes a huge commitment and lots of hard work to stop the behavior and to recover from it. There’s also the specter that hovers over the relationship regarding trust and fear that it may happen again.

Now, here’s where Christians run into a problem. The vow is till death do we part. Somehow, that becomes in the minds of most that you stay together, no matter what. But nowhere is it written that you must stay and be a punching bag.

Indeed, the case can be made that spousal abuse nulls and voids the vow. The marriage vows are essentially a contract. Violation of any of the provisions means the contract no longer exists. In short, it’s dead. The marriage vows can be summed up in a single verse from Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Now, I’m picking on the husband there because when Paul wrote the letter, guess who the biggest blame was laid on.

I can’t amp that up any more than Paul already has. Failure to follow that means there isn’t a marriage anymore.

But women have been known to be abusers. That same verse applies. If you’re a man in a relationship full of abuse, you don’t have to take it either. But men are funny animals. Often, they’ll stay because who wants to admit they’re being beaten up by a girl!

So, what do you do if you’re the one being abused?

WHAT TO DO-

Get out of there!

Get to a safe place!

Call the cops. In some states, if Law Enforcement believes the crime has occurred, they don’t need your permission to press charges. Your partner might find themselves served with a summons, maybe even arrested.

The other thing to understand is initially, you might be in some danger. Get someplace safe. Parents might be good, a tough friend maybe even better. Be someplace you’re protected. Take only what you need right then, right there. Worry about other things later.

Get a restraining order against this person. In most states, you can get what we call a Temporary Restraining Order against a person. This is usually drafted up by the police (I used to carry the forms in my briefcase and could do it right there), served, and if the Abuser so much as look at you wrong, they can go to jail. There will be a hearing down the road to determine if the order should become permanent.

If you need to go to the house to get something, take the cops with you. They’re there for your protection.

I’m going to address fathers now. Up to the point your little girl says, “I do,” we’ve been her protector. If we were a good daddy, they will hopefully wed someone like you. But some fathers think their responsibility ends there. I submit, it never stops. Another man has sworn to love, cherish, and protect her like you did. You need to hold them to it and be there if she needs you.

When my sons-in-law asked for my girl’s hand in marriage, I gave them a reading from one of the Lost books of the Bible, specifically, The Book of Threats and Promises. I quoted that verse that goes, “Run out on her, cheat on her, lay a hand on her, and I will bury you right next to Jimmy Hoffa. I will erase you from existence so completely, even God will say you never happened.”

And they know I mean every word of it.

Let’s take a peek at scenario three. If you decide to stay together and make the relationship work, how to you rebuild that trust. There’s a lot of forgiveness that has to happen. There’s a lot of figuring out why it happened in the first place. And it leads to the question of how you fix it.

Years ago, I was involved in the Promise Keepers movement. Say what you will about it, it spelled out in no uncertain terms what a man’s role was. The message is one that seems to have gotten lost in our world some, but it was very simple. It was the understanding of “loving your wife like Christ loved the church” that was hammered at over and over. When men began to understand that their priorities weren’t money, job, or their status (or their addictions), but their spouse, only then could we see true change.

But it takes more than words. It takes a willingness and the determination to do it. And it takes a lot of work on both sides. It takes a lot of admitting your failures, your fears, and giving up what led you to that point in the first place.

SPOUSAL ABUSE IN THE BOOKS

Spousal abuse, as I mentioned, is a common thread throughout the novels. As a police officer, I was involved in more than my share of being called to them. Often times, we got to know the Abused and the Abuser rather well. There would be abuse, they’d part ways, get back together, more abuse, and so on. The reasons for abuse and getting back together were varied and rarely logical.

In the books, the first hint of it is way back in the first novel when Jonesy tells Will of an incident that happened after Will left Germany. Max and Eva had an argument that turned physical. Eva spent several days in the hospital while Max was confined to the company area. Counseling was pushed for, but Jonesy wasn’t sure how good a job it did. In the same novel, Max is arrested for assaulting Eva here. In the last chapter, his temper gets the better of him and he attempts to assault her in front of Will and guests.

In the second and third book it looks like things are settling down a little. They’re getting divorced, and a restraining order has kept the peace. but we certainly see other people involved in practicing abuse.

In the fourth book, Event Horizon, the worst-case scenario is played out.