THE LAST LAUGH

I’m dedicating my next novel to teachers. Among them is my old high school coach who was probably one of the wisest men I’ve ever known (see you on the flip side, Coach), a fifth grade teacher who challenged me with math, and another who didn’t get too terribly upset when I blew up the chemistry lab (“What do you mean I wasn’t supposed to mix those two things together!?”).

One of the people I’ll mention was my old High School English teacher, Robert Morgan. I can honestly list him as one the first fans of my stories. And if I wasn’t so stinking full of myself, I might have been published ages ago.

One day he handed me back one of my stories. There was so much red on it, it looked like it had been part of a murder scene. I still remember what he wrote up in the corner. He wrote, “Great story, but you need to figure this punctuation stuff out!”

Being the arrogant, creative, but above all charming individual I am, I crumpled it up and tossed it the trash.

Well, Mr. Morgan, I know you passed away sometime back, but wherever you are I’m sure you’re rolling in laughter to hear me say you’re right.

One of the things I wished I’d paid attention to was how to put quotes inside a quote. Here’s an example of how I’ve been doing things.

I have my central character telling the story to a crowd, but he repeats what someone else said.

“Jonesy came running back, his eyes wide with confusion.  ‘Will,’ he said. ‘There’s no one out there.’”

Now the part I’ve always had issues with is the very last piece. I have a single quote right next to a double quote. Now when my eyes come to it, it hurts, so obviously it’s wrong.  

Here’s the lesson Mr. Morgan was trying to get across to me. He would have said, “That’s wrong, so shut up, get over yourself, and learn something. You have to put a space between that last single quote and the double quote. If you don’t, your readers are going to go cross eyed when they look at it.”

So, this is what Mr. Morgan would have tried to teach me. “Jonesy came running back, his eyes wide with confusion. ‘Will,’ he said.  ‘There’s no one out there.’ ”

Note the space now between the single quotation and the double.  Much easier on the eyes.

So, Mr. Morgan, your breath was not wasted. It just takes a little longer for some of us to get the lesson. You’re right, shut up, sit down, and learn something.

Maybe I need to apply that lesson to more than grammar!

And I’ll see you, Mr. Morgan, on the flip side, also.